A simple guide to taking 'No' out of your homeschooling day.
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| This is my No monster. When I say NO, unnecessarily, I feel like I look like this... :) |
The word 'No' is such an easy go to. It roles off the tongue with such simplicity. Which isn't surprising with the amount of times its simply true. 2+2=5, 'No'. The puzzle piece clearly doesn't fit, 'No'. How many bald eagles are left, according to the chart? 7, 'No'. The picture gets cut THEN colored, 'No, the instructions tell us to color then cut'. Mom, is this right? 'No'. A simple, accurate, correct answer, that just might be killing our child's sense of accomplishment, independence and confidence. I was a student once... many years ago :) I hated going to that one teacher who "always" said 'no'. Even when I had truly tried my hardest, worked through every answer twice, checked my work, and then had a friend edit it. She still said 'no', at least to SOMETHING on my paper. You remember, we all had that teacher. Some of us more frequently than others.
Do you really want to be that teacher for your child? I'm guessing 'NO'. :) haha see what I did there :)
Anyway, In my Montessori training we did an entire project/paper on avoiding the word 'no'. It was brilliant. It forced me to think ahead to potential problems with different materials and decide on at least 3 ways to correct a child without saying 'no'. So I will attempt to offer these suggestions to you, my fellow homeschooling parents. Because even with my training and background in a Montessori classroom, my own children bring out the 'no' monster faster than I ever care to admit.
1. Wait. The first choice is usually to simply wait. You see them heading to the wrong answer. They have placed the longest pencil in the middle instead of at the beginning where it belongs to properly grade them from longest to shortest. Wait. They have added their ones column wrong which will throw off the entire equation. Wait. Let them work it out to the end. Let them go through the steps of checking their work (make sure you have given a lesson on how to check their work in any given situation). They will come to their mistake, naturally. Without you having to be the NO moster :)
2. Show them their error in isolation. "lets check these two pencils" placing them evenly at the eraser end, "which looks longer to you?" pointing to or exaggerating the uneven ends if needed.
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| Pretend my red rods are pencils :) |
3. Add an extra tool to ensure success. "Here's a picture of the pencils from longest to shortest. Try to make yours look like this." "How can we clean up this water mess? Yes. Thats what the sponge is for."
4. Get tactile. Hands on is the best medicine for finding mistakes. Push the pencil tips against the wall. Walk your finger up the erasers... "do they step up one at a time?" or do you find that there is one sticking out.
5. Slow down. "This time, lets compare them two at a time until we find the shortest." Compare, and place the shortest first. Repeat for the next shortest. It takes longer, yes. AND adds a level of concentration for your child that many adults can't accomplish.
6. Gentle reminder. "I think this pencil may be shortest." "Try to remember, we hold the pitcher with two hands, so that it's more steady when we pour."
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| One hand on the handle and one underneath the spout. Bet you didn't know that :) Because as multitasking adults we pour with one hand and our kids copy us. |
7. Build in a 'control of error' to your lesson. This is similar to 'a way to check their work'. And must be planned on ahead of time to ensure your child's success as an independent worker. It may look something like, printing answers on the back of math equation cards, explaining that spills mean we need more practice pouring, etc.
8. Modeling. One of the biggest investments I made as a teacher into getting my students on board with behaviors I preferred, was to model said behavior. For example. You roll a rug on the floor, using your fingers for control. Not standing, while you roll it down your legs. I witnessed this phenomenon in students from other classes and would give another lesson every time. Until I walked into a class at the end of the day to pick up kids that were to join mine, only to see the teacher and assistant rolling rug down their legs cause it was the end of the day and they were too lazy to model the right way to roll a rug. What does it matter how they roll a rug? You might ask. I wont get into that now :) it's for another post entirely :) point being. These kids coming to my class were simply copying the behaviors of their own teacher. Once I realized this, I watched for other behaviors in students and found that many of the undesirable ones were actually coming from teachers who were unintentionally teaching students poor behavior choices.
8. Modeling. One of the biggest investments I made as a teacher into getting my students on board with behaviors I preferred, was to model said behavior. For example. You roll a rug on the floor, using your fingers for control. Not standing, while you roll it down your legs. I witnessed this phenomenon in students from other classes and would give another lesson every time. Until I walked into a class at the end of the day to pick up kids that were to join mine, only to see the teacher and assistant rolling rug down their legs cause it was the end of the day and they were too lazy to model the right way to roll a rug. What does it matter how they roll a rug? You might ask. I wont get into that now :) it's for another post entirely :) point being. These kids coming to my class were simply copying the behaviors of their own teacher. Once I realized this, I watched for other behaviors in students and found that many of the undesirable ones were actually coming from teachers who were unintentionally teaching students poor behavior choices.
You say it before you think, 'NO', and expect it to be met with polite retorts like 'yes ma'am' or even an 'okay'. You sway backwards in disbelief when it's met with a resounding "NO!"... where did you learn to speak like that? we ask them :) If you're kids are anything like mine... they answer 'You, mommy.' thus, my daily dose of humble pie is served and I slump back to my hole in the ground.
So when the NO monster strikes at your pie hole, remember, filling it with Humble is hard to do. So fill it with kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, understanding, honesty and love. And keep at it! Once or twice isn't enough. If a pattern is to change one must live the change, if that pattern is to be passed down to our children? One must BE the change.
What ways do you avoid the NO monster??
What does YOUR No monster look like? I'm just curious :)
ING,
!jen
PS
Please don't assume that I never say NO... or that I'm suggesting you never use it. Sometimes it's completely necessary. Safety is a big place I will use it without regret or apology. The point I'm making here is times when we say it because we're too tired, or annoyed or stressed to be more kind... then it becomes unnecessary and thus could be avoided with beautiful results.
So when the NO monster strikes at your pie hole, remember, filling it with Humble is hard to do. So fill it with kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, understanding, honesty and love. And keep at it! Once or twice isn't enough. If a pattern is to change one must live the change, if that pattern is to be passed down to our children? One must BE the change.
What ways do you avoid the NO monster??
What does YOUR No monster look like? I'm just curious :)
ING,
!jen
PS
Please don't assume that I never say NO... or that I'm suggesting you never use it. Sometimes it's completely necessary. Safety is a big place I will use it without regret or apology. The point I'm making here is times when we say it because we're too tired, or annoyed or stressed to be more kind... then it becomes unnecessary and thus could be avoided with beautiful results.
