30 Days Thankful...

Hello, my name is Jen... and I'm a Thankful-Aholic.

Many years ago I was a very "Grass is greener on the other side" type person. It was a hard life. Always questioning my choices and decisions, constantly comparing myself to those around me thinking "What. A. Life." Feeling way more like Brak watching Butch the gorilla, then I ever care to admit. Spending many days thinking to myself, if only I could get this job or move to that town or live in this house.

Then HE came along :) my husband. Without meaning to he changed me into a 'live in the moment', 'thankful for everything' person who didn't compare herself to everyone she met. Do I still have bad days? Yes. Do I find myself wishing the grass was greener on my side of the fence? Nope. Not anymore. The Grass is Greener Right Where I Am.

While in conversation with my husband many years ago, I realized in a moment of clarity that THIS was my life lesson. The reason I was born into this life and not another. To learn that the Grass is greener, RIGHT where I am. Then he drew me a tattoo to remember my life lesson. I went to a few different artists to get estimates on the cost of placing it on my ankle. One even said he would only do it if he could lock me in the basement for a week... to make sure it healed properly ;)

I said no thank you and moved on. We walked into a little shop in Racine, WI. Stephanie took one look at my husbands drawing and said "Oh I see, the grass is greener right here." SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY..... I screamed, I'm pretty sure the internet was listening that day, because now my exclamation is everywhere. :)

I got my tattoo, without spending a week in a strangers basement and could not be happier. It's a daily reminder to, not only be thankful, but enjoy every moment. To enjoy you must begin with Thankful. Thankful for people. Thankful for food. Thankful for sun and moon and wind. Thankful for laughter. Thankful for pleasure. Thankful for ocean and boat. Thankful for house and hearth. Thankful for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Thankful for moments in which my children make me laugh when I want to scream... Thankful.

In honor of my Grass-Is-Greener-Right-Where-I-Am tattoo and my 'Addiction to Thankful' living, I've created, the 30 Days Thankful Photo Challenge.

I thought November was appropriate. I'll be posting my images in my FB album and on Instagram.

ING
!jen

8 ways to Tame your own 'NO' monster and maybe the little monsters will follow :)

A simple guide to taking 'No' out of your homeschooling day.

This is my No monster. When I say NO, unnecessarily, I feel like I look like this... :)

The word 'No' is such an easy go to. It roles off the tongue with such simplicity. Which isn't surprising with the amount of times its simply true. 2+2=5, 'No'. The puzzle piece clearly doesn't fit, 'No'. How many bald eagles are left, according to the chart? 7, 'No'. The picture gets cut THEN colored, 'No, the instructions tell us to color then cut'. Mom, is this right? 'No'. A simple, accurate, correct answer, that just might be killing our child's sense of accomplishment, independence and confidence. I was a student once... many years ago :) I hated going to that one teacher who "always" said 'no'. Even when I had truly tried my hardest, worked through every answer twice, checked my work, and then had a friend edit it. She still said 'no', at least to SOMETHING on my paper. You remember, we all had that teacher. Some of us more frequently than others. 

Do you really want to be that teacher for your child? I'm guessing 'NO'. :) haha see what I did there :)

Anyway, In my Montessori training we did an entire project/paper on avoiding the word 'no'. It was brilliant. It forced me to think ahead to potential problems with different materials and decide on at least 3 ways to correct a child without saying 'no'. So I will attempt to offer these suggestions to you, my fellow homeschooling parents. Because even with my training and background in a Montessori classroom, my own children bring out the 'no' monster faster than I ever care to admit. 

1. Wait. The first choice is usually to simply wait. You see them heading to the wrong answer. They have placed the longest pencil in the middle instead of at the beginning where it belongs to properly grade them from longest to shortest. Wait. They have added their ones column wrong which will throw off the entire equation. Wait. Let them work it out to the end. Let them go through the steps of checking their work (make sure you have given a lesson on how to check their work in any given situation). They will come to their mistake, naturally. Without you having to be the NO moster :)

2. Show them their error in isolation. "lets check these two pencils" placing them evenly at the eraser end, "which looks longer to you?" pointing to or exaggerating the uneven ends if needed.

Pretend my red rods are pencils :)

3. Add an extra tool to ensure success. "Here's a picture of the pencils from longest to shortest. Try to make yours look like this." "How can we clean up this water mess? Yes. Thats what the sponge is for."

4. Get tactile. Hands on is the best medicine for finding mistakes. Push the pencil tips against the wall. Walk your finger up the erasers... "do they step up one at a time?" or do you find that there is one sticking out. 

5. Slow down. "This time, lets compare them two at a time until we find the shortest." Compare, and place the shortest first. Repeat for the next shortest. It takes longer, yes. AND adds a level of concentration for your child that many adults can't accomplish. 

6. Gentle reminder. "I think this pencil may be shortest." "Try to remember, we hold the pitcher with two hands, so that it's more steady when we pour."

One hand on the handle and one underneath the spout. Bet you didn't know that :) Because as multitasking adults we pour with one hand and our kids copy us.

7. Build in a 'control of error' to your lesson. This is similar to 'a way to check their work'. And must be planned on ahead of time to ensure your child's success as an independent worker. It may look something like, printing answers on the back of math equation cards, explaining that spills mean we need more practice pouring, etc.

8. Modeling. One of the biggest investments I made as a teacher into getting my students on board with behaviors I preferred, was to model said behavior. For example. You roll a rug on the floor, using your fingers for control. Not standing, while you roll it down your legs. I witnessed this phenomenon in students from other classes and would give another lesson every time. Until I walked into a class at the end of the day to pick up kids that were to join mine, only to see the teacher and assistant rolling rug down their legs cause it was the end of the day and they were too lazy to model the right way to roll a rug. What does it matter how they roll a rug? You might ask. I wont get into that now :) it's for another post entirely :) point being. These kids coming to my class were simply copying the behaviors of their own teacher. Once I realized this, I watched for other behaviors in students and found that many of the undesirable ones were actually coming from teachers who were unintentionally teaching students poor behavior choices. 

You say it before you think, 'NO', and expect it to be met with polite retorts like 'yes ma'am' or even an 'okay'. You sway backwards in disbelief when it's met with a resounding "NO!"... where did you learn to speak like that? we ask them :) If you're kids are anything like mine... they answer 'You, mommy.' thus, my daily dose of humble pie is served and I slump back to my hole in the ground.

So when the NO monster strikes at your pie hole, remember, filling it with Humble is hard to do. So fill it with kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, understanding, honesty and love. And keep at it! Once or twice isn't enough. If a pattern is to change one must live the change, if that pattern is to be passed down to our children? One must BE the change.

What ways do you avoid the NO monster??
What does YOUR No monster look like? I'm just curious :)


ING,
!jen

PS
Please don't assume that I never say NO... or that I'm suggesting you never use it. Sometimes it's completely necessary. Safety is a big place I will use it without regret or apology. The point I'm making here is times when we say it because we're too tired, or annoyed or stressed to be more kind... then it becomes unnecessary and thus could be avoided with beautiful results.

17% - 20% End in Miscarriage!

17-20 %!! Did you know that? This 'common knowledge' was spouted off to me in an attempt to be comforting as I tried to make sense of my body ejecting this baby so soon after making it. 17-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage (defined as prior to 20 weeks, so that's not even including the still births and infant deaths)...

17% - 20%

If asked prior to this experience I would have guessed less than 5%. I would have been wrong. And now my body had dumped me and my baby into that 20%. How could I even begin to heal? How could I trust my body to get it right next time? How could I put my husband and family through it again? I choose taking action. I gave my baby a funeral. It was the closure I needed to find Peace. I decorate my alter every September to honor the child I never met and more importantly, to honor the family they helped to create. 

The english language has no single word for an unborn child. Science calls it an embryo, a fetus, still birth, spontaneous abortion, fetal demise. I believe these diminish it’s impact on our lives. I was 27 when I miscarried, it still impacts my life in many ways. I have since had 3 healthy full term pregnancies resulting in 3 beautiful children. A blessing never lost on me, never taken for granted and ritualistically appreciated daily. When I lost my first pregnancy I was overseas, in Japan. A military wife, far from home, friends and family. I spoke to family on the phone, chatted with local acquaintances I had made since arriving, and was fortunate enough to have my husband there, through the whole thing.

None of this made it easier. My body had rejected a baby. A baby we wanted! A baby we planned for. A baby that we had already told everyone about. And my body said ‘nope, not happening’. 

Although English couldn't assist me with my healing, the Japanese had a word for my baby, Mizuko. An unborn baby. Simple. Direct. And comforting. Mizuko. 

Now Mizuko comes to life through brave women and families ready and willing to share their stories. Because through sharing, we learn, we connect, and we heal.

How do you remember your Mizuko? How did you come to peace with your Mizuko? Share your story by booking a session and participating in the Mizuko Project.

All alone, those years ago, I chose taking action. Gave my baby a funeral. It was the closure I needed to find Peace. And now, I take action again. To assist others in finding Peace.

I hope you are find

ING Peace,

!jen

Planning ahead...

Making Work for the Shelf

the importance of 'thinking ahead' when creating jobs.

If Montessori taught me anything it was how to design materials and lessons for the preschooler. Maria Montessori believed in individual education (which is why there is only one of most materials, this also gives children the chance to practice waiting and turn taking). She also believed in breaking down skills into developmentally appropriate sections. For example: when learning to lace up a ribbon, students are required to tie a bow at the end to secure the ribbon. Tying a bow is hard. Especially for preschool fingers. So in a Montessori classroom children are introduced to the bow-tying frame first. Setting them up for success by giving a skill they will need to accomplish everything that is asked of them when lacing the ribbon. They are also introduced to the lacing skill by itself. Again, allowing them to practice everything they need to accomplish the Ribbon Lacing frame successfully, before they are suddenly expected to lace and tie a bow.

This forethought on the teachers (parents) part is the key to introducing new skills. So I thought we'd try one together to get the hang of it. 

I want to introduce 'getting dressed' to my toddler. Now in previous years when I didn't know better, I would jump straight to my lesson. I would gather 1 of each clothing I wanted them to practice and off I went.

It would have looked something like this one from Counting Coconuts. (Which, by the way is a great post to read when you're ready to have many skills being practiced at once.)
Then I'd be SO frustrated when they weren't getting it.
Now I know about 'preliminary exercises' (the bow-tying and lacing skills before the ribbon lacing which requires both). These are the things they need to know before they can successfully finish what I'm trying to teach.

So 'getting dressed'. I'm going to start with pants, shirt and jacket, in that order. Because to put on pants a child can lay it out first and is able to SEE everything they are doing the whole time. Shirt is 2nd because it is considered more difficult due to the over the head part, where you have to sort of 'feel' what your doing instead of SEE it. Jacket is last in this series for one reason. It's what you put on after a shirt. As far as difficulty is concerned I've observed it's on par with the shirt, at least the way I teach putting on a jacket. 

Next, think about putting on pants. This may seem silly but really think about it in terms of what your toddler can do physically. They can't put pants on standing up, not enough balance. So they must sit. The pants get laid out in front of them but they need to know which side of the pants goes up (front). Find a pair of pants for practicing that have a good 'front side' identifier, a picture, drawstring or extra pocket. After pants are laid out in front both hands are needed to open the waistband and slide the first foot in. This, too, is tricky because they have to pull their knee up to their chest WHILE holding the pants. Next they will need to slide the foot into the waistband. Now they must push the foot, via our leg muscles, down the pant leg. If this goes well, they're in business for leg #2. All these body movements and brain, hand, eye, foot coordination that is going on and they're only half way there!!
I feel like I must take a minute and caution anyone working with a toddler, their own or not. They are only 2. We watch them finagle a fork, run with increasing ease, even begin to jump like little dare devils and we suddenly expect them to perform every new task just as easily as things they've actually been practicing their whole lives... which lets remember, is only 2 years long :)
OK, back to pants. Now that we've REALLY given thought to the entire process of putting on a pair of pants, we're not only ready to give a lesson but we're also ready to have more patience with that lesson because we truly understand what our toddler is overcoming to achieve this skill.
So my 'putting on pants' lesson goes something like this;

These pictures would be taped to a tray in order of their place in the process. The shorts would then be folded in a basket on the tray as well. The 'directions' would be non verbal...as it helps children focus their awareness.

1. place the shorts at your feet with the 'front side identifier' clearly displayed. In this case we actually had a tag. So we say 'Tag on the floor'. 

2. Thumbs on the sides and inside. Toes go in.

3. Push foot all the way out the bottom end.

4. Other foot, toes in and push foot all the way out the bottom end. Don't drop the waistband :)

5. Stand and pull them up. Keep your thumbs on the sides and inside the waistband.

6. All the way up.

7. DONE!

I hope you are able to use this to inspire independence in your classroom :)

Happy Dressing!

ING

!jen