Worm Loves Worm... an emotional roller coaster.

Never has a single book given me such a roller coaster of emotions.

Worm Loves Worm by J.J.Austrian, illustrated by Mike Curato

I can’t even begin to explain how this book had me flipping and flopping at the turn of every page. Let me try.

First, my daughter picked it up. As a general rule, I try to read everything she brings me… only saying no to the truly bad books. Ya, know. The ones that, literally, hurt your feelings as you read them or worse, make you dumber as a human being.

I have to say, that with FEW exceptions… books were characters are ‘named’ as their species, have, in my experience, been high on the list of books that hurt my very soul to read them. So ‘Worm Loves Worm’ was instantly low on my list of exciting things for my daughter to bring me.

But when she wants to read it… we suck up our feelings and read it. Even if it hurts. So we opened the book.

Spoiler Alert!

Worm marries worm… I just wanted to make that clear. Not only are they in love… they marry.

So, as they discuss getting married, other creatures impose their ideas on what a wedding includes. These impositions include, a minister, a best beetle, and brides bees. Then a cake, rings and a band. 

‘Oh great.’ I think to myself, another book about how a marriage isn’t real unless you have a “traditional” wedding. Am I reading too much into a picture book… No. No, I’m not.  

But, she’s loving it so I read on. I did appreciate Worm and Worm retorting each suggestion with perfectly valid reasons they didn’t need those things. They don’t need rings, they have no fingers. They don’t need a band, they have no feet for dancing. I also began to appreciate Worm and Worm for remaining optimistic and finding ways to incorporate these things they don’t really need and having such a positive attitude. 

Even still, after several pages of this, I’m getting annoyed with their acceptance of every demand made by their friends. Then, the final straw for me? Wedding attire. As someone who married her high school sweetheart almost 10 years after graduation, at a park, wearing jeans… I almost put the book down when everyone suggested they needed a dress and tux.

Now, if you’re reading this book along with your kid… or along with this post. Don’t close it just yet. I promise. 

Keep going.

Because, Worm and Worm finally stand up for themselves, completely. They each wear part of a dress and part of a tux… rendering them each completely unisex. Gender Neutral? Equal. 

“We can be both.” they declare. Even after Cricket tries to shoot that down, their response is perfect… and I’m sold.

Worm and Worm are now married. I retrace my emotional roller coaster to snap these pictures for this lovely post and I realize… the worm with the white in it’s eyes… never speaks! It’s always the worm with only pupils, who’s mouth is open, talking. 

Now, what started as a book that was surely going to hurt my feelings to read. Turned into a great book on gender equality, using a wedding, the most UNequal gender event (possibly)…. but then turned into a dark book about abusive relationships. (and don’t even get me started on the cannibalism, I’m looking at you spider)

FRIENDS! If you’re in a relationship that denies you a say in how your life turns out, PLEASE! Get help. Just because Worm was preaching equality in the wedding does not mean they were practicing it in the relationship. Lesson learned!

Nothing is ever as it seems… not even Worm Loves Worm.

ING

!jen

HWK changed my life... no joke.

If you're wondering what HWK is... you can see and learn about them here; HWK face book or here; my first HWK blog post.

Now that the formalities are out of the way ;) Lets talk LaniKai Pillboxes!! FlyBoy was a BOULDERING MASTER today on the Spencer Butte Trail. I reminded him of the first time he had to boulder...

Sitting on a pillbox is always a highlight. 

Pill boxes are littered ALL over the island (possibly islandS, I assume they were used on neighbor islands as well). They were used in the 1940's as military look outs. Luckily, for us, they were abandoned. I'm sure for, newer, better, more technological ways of detecting intruders.

What's left behind? Fabulous hiking adventures ending in a glimpse of history first hand as we look out over the waters surrounding Oahu. Much like those Service Members of days gone by.

My first Pillbox hike was Lanikai, I strapped MoonSeeker to my back and dragged my other two kids up the hill. Actually WestWind was a force to be reckoned with, as she always is on the trail. FlyBoy however, was stumbling and tripping over loose gravel and getting very frustrated at it. SO we learned how to boulder. GAME CHANGER! We practiced using hands, feet and bum to traverse the trail, rubble, and loose mountain bits. He did admirably.... and has enjoyed bouldering since.

FlyBoy loving his time on the LaniKai Pillbox hike.

LaniKai pillboxes starts at a marked trailhead in the community.

Parking can be tricky, especially now that parking zones and signs have changed and are being enforced. So PLEASE do your research and park legally.

Further info can be found on AllTrails.com.

Once you start up the trail, it's fairly straight forward.

Starting out!

Mom. Take my picture with those islands.

Epic sunsets if you time it right. Which HWK always does ;)

It's mostly up ;) and once you see the ocean just keep it on your left as you ascend and on your right as you descend. If I remember correctly, there were 2 pillboxes to visit.

Hiking With Keiki was a life force that sustained me through some rough waters of military life. I'll never stop singing their praises, recommending their group, posting about fun memories or dreaming about the days when I might be Hiking With Keiki again.

What hikes do YOU love? Hawaii or not! Let us know. I wanna see ALL THE HIKES!

ING
!jen

8 ways to Tame your own 'NO' monster and maybe the little monsters will follow :)

A simple guide to taking 'No' out of your homeschooling day.

This is my No monster. When I say NO, unnecessarily, I feel like I look like this... :)

The word 'No' is such an easy go to. It roles off the tongue with such simplicity. Which isn't surprising with the amount of times its simply true. 2+2=5, 'No'. The puzzle piece clearly doesn't fit, 'No'. How many bald eagles are left, according to the chart? 7, 'No'. The picture gets cut THEN colored, 'No, the instructions tell us to color then cut'. Mom, is this right? 'No'. A simple, accurate, correct answer, that just might be killing our child's sense of accomplishment, independence and confidence. I was a student once... many years ago :) I hated going to that one teacher who "always" said 'no'. Even when I had truly tried my hardest, worked through every answer twice, checked my work, and then had a friend edit it. She still said 'no', at least to SOMETHING on my paper. You remember, we all had that teacher. Some of us more frequently than others. 

Do you really want to be that teacher for your child? I'm guessing 'NO'. :) haha see what I did there :)

Anyway, In my Montessori training we did an entire project/paper on avoiding the word 'no'. It was brilliant. It forced me to think ahead to potential problems with different materials and decide on at least 3 ways to correct a child without saying 'no'. So I will attempt to offer these suggestions to you, my fellow homeschooling parents. Because even with my training and background in a Montessori classroom, my own children bring out the 'no' monster faster than I ever care to admit. 

1. Wait. The first choice is usually to simply wait. You see them heading to the wrong answer. They have placed the longest pencil in the middle instead of at the beginning where it belongs to properly grade them from longest to shortest. Wait. They have added their ones column wrong which will throw off the entire equation. Wait. Let them work it out to the end. Let them go through the steps of checking their work (make sure you have given a lesson on how to check their work in any given situation). They will come to their mistake, naturally. Without you having to be the NO moster :)

2. Show them their error in isolation. "lets check these two pencils" placing them evenly at the eraser end, "which looks longer to you?" pointing to or exaggerating the uneven ends if needed.

Pretend my red rods are pencils :)

3. Add an extra tool to ensure success. "Here's a picture of the pencils from longest to shortest. Try to make yours look like this." "How can we clean up this water mess? Yes. Thats what the sponge is for."

4. Get tactile. Hands on is the best medicine for finding mistakes. Push the pencil tips against the wall. Walk your finger up the erasers... "do they step up one at a time?" or do you find that there is one sticking out. 

5. Slow down. "This time, lets compare them two at a time until we find the shortest." Compare, and place the shortest first. Repeat for the next shortest. It takes longer, yes. AND adds a level of concentration for your child that many adults can't accomplish. 

6. Gentle reminder. "I think this pencil may be shortest." "Try to remember, we hold the pitcher with two hands, so that it's more steady when we pour."

One hand on the handle and one underneath the spout. Bet you didn't know that :) Because as multitasking adults we pour with one hand and our kids copy us.

7. Build in a 'control of error' to your lesson. This is similar to 'a way to check their work'. And must be planned on ahead of time to ensure your child's success as an independent worker. It may look something like, printing answers on the back of math equation cards, explaining that spills mean we need more practice pouring, etc.

8. Modeling. One of the biggest investments I made as a teacher into getting my students on board with behaviors I preferred, was to model said behavior. For example. You roll a rug on the floor, using your fingers for control. Not standing, while you roll it down your legs. I witnessed this phenomenon in students from other classes and would give another lesson every time. Until I walked into a class at the end of the day to pick up kids that were to join mine, only to see the teacher and assistant rolling rug down their legs cause it was the end of the day and they were too lazy to model the right way to roll a rug. What does it matter how they roll a rug? You might ask. I wont get into that now :) it's for another post entirely :) point being. These kids coming to my class were simply copying the behaviors of their own teacher. Once I realized this, I watched for other behaviors in students and found that many of the undesirable ones were actually coming from teachers who were unintentionally teaching students poor behavior choices. 

You say it before you think, 'NO', and expect it to be met with polite retorts like 'yes ma'am' or even an 'okay'. You sway backwards in disbelief when it's met with a resounding "NO!"... where did you learn to speak like that? we ask them :) If you're kids are anything like mine... they answer 'You, mommy.' thus, my daily dose of humble pie is served and I slump back to my hole in the ground.

So when the NO monster strikes at your pie hole, remember, filling it with Humble is hard to do. So fill it with kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, understanding, honesty and love. And keep at it! Once or twice isn't enough. If a pattern is to change one must live the change, if that pattern is to be passed down to our children? One must BE the change.

What ways do you avoid the NO monster??
What does YOUR No monster look like? I'm just curious :)


ING,
!jen

PS
Please don't assume that I never say NO... or that I'm suggesting you never use it. Sometimes it's completely necessary. Safety is a big place I will use it without regret or apology. The point I'm making here is times when we say it because we're too tired, or annoyed or stressed to be more kind... then it becomes unnecessary and thus could be avoided with beautiful results.

17% - 20% End in Miscarriage!

17-20 %!! Did you know that? This 'common knowledge' was spouted off to me in an attempt to be comforting as I tried to make sense of my body ejecting this baby so soon after making it. 17-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage (defined as prior to 20 weeks, so that's not even including the still births and infant deaths)...

17% - 20%

If asked prior to this experience I would have guessed less than 5%. I would have been wrong. And now my body had dumped me and my baby into that 20%. How could I even begin to heal? How could I trust my body to get it right next time? How could I put my husband and family through it again? I choose taking action. I gave my baby a funeral. It was the closure I needed to find Peace. I decorate my alter every September to honor the child I never met and more importantly, to honor the family they helped to create. 

The english language has no single word for an unborn child. Science calls it an embryo, a fetus, still birth, spontaneous abortion, fetal demise. I believe these diminish it’s impact on our lives. I was 27 when I miscarried, it still impacts my life in many ways. I have since had 3 healthy full term pregnancies resulting in 3 beautiful children. A blessing never lost on me, never taken for granted and ritualistically appreciated daily. When I lost my first pregnancy I was overseas, in Japan. A military wife, far from home, friends and family. I spoke to family on the phone, chatted with local acquaintances I had made since arriving, and was fortunate enough to have my husband there, through the whole thing.

None of this made it easier. My body had rejected a baby. A baby we wanted! A baby we planned for. A baby that we had already told everyone about. And my body said ‘nope, not happening’. 

Although English couldn't assist me with my healing, the Japanese had a word for my baby, Mizuko. An unborn baby. Simple. Direct. And comforting. Mizuko. 

Now Mizuko comes to life through brave women and families ready and willing to share their stories. Because through sharing, we learn, we connect, and we heal.

How do you remember your Mizuko? How did you come to peace with your Mizuko? Share your story by booking a session and participating in the Mizuko Project.

All alone, those years ago, I chose taking action. Gave my baby a funeral. It was the closure I needed to find Peace. And now, I take action again. To assist others in finding Peace.

I hope you are find

ING Peace,

!jen