Worm Loves Worm... an emotional roller coaster.

Never has a single book given me such a roller coaster of emotions.

Worm Loves Worm by J.J.Austrian, illustrated by Mike Curato

I can’t even begin to explain how this book had me flipping and flopping at the turn of every page. Let me try.

First, my daughter picked it up. As a general rule, I try to read everything she brings me… only saying no to the truly bad books. Ya, know. The ones that, literally, hurt your feelings as you read them or worse, make you dumber as a human being.

I have to say, that with FEW exceptions… books were characters are ‘named’ as their species, have, in my experience, been high on the list of books that hurt my very soul to read them. So ‘Worm Loves Worm’ was instantly low on my list of exciting things for my daughter to bring me.

But when she wants to read it… we suck up our feelings and read it. Even if it hurts. So we opened the book.

Spoiler Alert!

Worm marries worm… I just wanted to make that clear. Not only are they in love… they marry.

So, as they discuss getting married, other creatures impose their ideas on what a wedding includes. These impositions include, a minister, a best beetle, and brides bees. Then a cake, rings and a band. 

‘Oh great.’ I think to myself, another book about how a marriage isn’t real unless you have a “traditional” wedding. Am I reading too much into a picture book… No. No, I’m not.  

But, she’s loving it so I read on. I did appreciate Worm and Worm retorting each suggestion with perfectly valid reasons they didn’t need those things. They don’t need rings, they have no fingers. They don’t need a band, they have no feet for dancing. I also began to appreciate Worm and Worm for remaining optimistic and finding ways to incorporate these things they don’t really need and having such a positive attitude. 

Even still, after several pages of this, I’m getting annoyed with their acceptance of every demand made by their friends. Then, the final straw for me? Wedding attire. As someone who married her high school sweetheart almost 10 years after graduation, at a park, wearing jeans… I almost put the book down when everyone suggested they needed a dress and tux.

Now, if you’re reading this book along with your kid… or along with this post. Don’t close it just yet. I promise. 

Keep going.

Because, Worm and Worm finally stand up for themselves, completely. They each wear part of a dress and part of a tux… rendering them each completely unisex. Gender Neutral? Equal. 

“We can be both.” they declare. Even after Cricket tries to shoot that down, their response is perfect… and I’m sold.

Worm and Worm are now married. I retrace my emotional roller coaster to snap these pictures for this lovely post and I realize… the worm with the white in it’s eyes… never speaks! It’s always the worm with only pupils, who’s mouth is open, talking. 

Now, what started as a book that was surely going to hurt my feelings to read. Turned into a great book on gender equality, using a wedding, the most UNequal gender event (possibly)…. but then turned into a dark book about abusive relationships. (and don’t even get me started on the cannibalism, I’m looking at you spider)

FRIENDS! If you’re in a relationship that denies you a say in how your life turns out, PLEASE! Get help. Just because Worm was preaching equality in the wedding does not mean they were practicing it in the relationship. Lesson learned!

Nothing is ever as it seems… not even Worm Loves Worm.

ING

!jen

Taking Christ out of Xmas: A Pagan Adventure.

I know. I know. It's called Christmas... he's right there in the name. How can I possibly think the season isn't about him?

In my youth, I discovered a startling tidbit. Scientists date the birth of Jesus in the summer. While no one knows for sure on what day or even what year he was born... It was the confirming of my distrust in the bible. This little theory and all it's accompanying (albeit, confusing and non conclusion forming) evidence and supporting information moved me away from the church all together. It helped me to name things I had been feeling and disliking for years about my 'religion'. But all that? Is for another post. End result? We follow a Pagan path. A religious path that places reverence on the planet and our connection with it.

As a result, I've celebrated Yule (the winter solstice) for many years now. And for most of those years, we also celebrated Xmas. Social construct made ditching it impossible. Visiting family every year made ditching it impossible. Childhood fondness of the 'season' made ditching it impossible.

Every year, my husband and I would talk about ways we could adjust, moving us away from commercialized Xmas traditions and toward what we really wanted, to spend time with each other and loved ones. Every year I expressed my want to have our 'present opening' morning on the solstice. But again, choosing that for us is all fine and well, but asking our family, who we were visiting each year, to change? Not so fine and well.

ENTER 2017!

This is the first year that we aren't going anywhere and that no one is visiting us. This year also happens to hold a convenient schedule handed out by my husbands office. This year, our sailor is not taking leave. Instead he gets his 4 day weekend at Xmas and another at New Years.
Man! Did I jump on that.

This year, we coupled these serendipitous happenings with our commitment to DO things before BUYING things.
It required a little ground work. To keep this in perspective, our kids are 3, 6, & 10. Prime selfish, me-me-me, give-me-all-the-stuff, age. We discussed with the kids about wanting to DO instead of BUY (a conversation we've actually had several times this year). We used examples of going to visit great friends for their birthdays last summer. Did they get fewer presents? Yes. Was it worth the fun we had instead? Heck Yes! Should we do it again for Xmas? Yes! It was a surprisingly easy conversation. Mostly, they were concerned that we would change our Solstice ritual. 'Will we still get up early and greet the sunrise?' Yes. 'Will we still do our candle spiral?' Yes. They were in!

Our Winter Solstice mat. We add a candle each night until the solstice. We sing and tell stories. It's a holiday staple now.

Step 1: make a list on Pinterest of 5 things they would each like to get. Knowing full well, they're only getting 2. That's the deal for getting to DO fun stuff.

So, here's our plan.

Day 1: We will wake the day after the solstice, take some snacky breakfast with us up a hill and great the sun as it begins to grow stronger. Normally we would eat out for breakfast, but this year?? We're doing presents. On the Solstice! So after our snacky breakfast watching the sunrise, we'll head home and open our presents. The rest of the day is for playing and eating and baking and spending time together. While everyone else is out chasing the "perfect" last minute gift in crowded malls, going into debt for it and stress eating their way through the food court, we'll be hanging at home, playing with our Solstice gifts. This is also the first of hubby's 4 days off.

Day 2: I have to work on the 23rd. So hubby will play more with the kids and their gifts and pack for our #YuleTide2017Adventure.

Day 3&4: On the 24th, after I finish my shift, we'll get on the road to a snowy little town and check into a hotel. We'll sled, build snowmen, eat snow, make snow angels, have a snowball fight? Maybe. Then, we'll have a nice dinner out (we've already inquired at our favorite restaurant in this town to confirm they'll be open). If we get lucky, it'll actually snow while we're there. Even if not, we can play in the snow more, until our feet are froze and our noses are froze, and head back home with 2 days of snowy fun and delicious meals in the memory banks. We're even planning to take homemade ornaments and candy canes to give to everyone working in the various places we patronize.

I'm SO very excited to head out on this winter adventure with my family. I'm also VERY excited to see what other adventures we create next year as we continue this tradition of DO instead of BUY.

If you like to see things develop as they go, you can always head over to my author IG account and follow along. I'll be posting pictures (like this first one) every step of the way.

What are you DOING this holiday season??

ING
!jen

PS
You can also see some other holiday ramblings here:
2012
2013
2013
2017

Ritual? Yeah we have that.

Oh Man! Do I hate obligatory gift giving. It creates SO much junk. Time, energy and money could be way better spent in more meaningful gestures.

Example: Instead of getting each other an obligatory gift for Valentines Day... we had dinner as a family, watched a movie together, and had a special sweet dessert. We marked the occasion. Simply and wholly as a family. I LOVED it. Did I feel less loved by my husband? Of course not. We are so free and generous with showing signs of affection. There is NO need for an obligatory day for it. I feel that way about most holidays.

Christmas is the worst. Right? And while we haven't done away with gifts all together, we have minimized it through a pretty sweet Solstice ritual. It took a few years of trial and error, or trial and adjustment to find our ritual but The Solstice Ritual we do now is amazing and perfect for our family. So perfect and requested by my kids nightly all December long, that I thought I'd piggy back on the idea and create a similar Equinox Ritual.

Spring is when we celebrate balance as the day and night are equal again.
Spring is when we celebrate new beginnings and growth.
Spring is when we plant. Physically, mentally, and metaphorically.

SO this year we "planted" qualities that we want to sew in the year to come. Really, truly, honestly sew. Not new-years-resolution-that-gets-ditched-by-the-end-of-January-if-you're-lucky kind of sew. But right-in-our-kind-hearts,-growing-because-it's-nurtured-and-supported-by-our-entire-family kind of sew.

Step 1: paint background for words to go on.

Step 2: add words.

During the month, this was our alter. Each night, a rock was added.

I knew I wanted to do rocks. Cute painted ones with words representing our plans. They say things like kind, listen, shine, etc. I did not include honesty, because my kids are 95% openly honest with us, AND everyone they meet. Small price to pay. But I digress. We were wondering through Hobby Lobby, me, my husband and kids in tow, carrying 3 lbs of rocks, looking for something to make our alter from (the mossy cross). I mentioned wanting to get wooden eggs to paint as I hate the idea of plastic, cause we either have to store them or toss them, neither of which work for us. At least if we store painted eggs, they become like Xmoose ornaments. Memories of each year past.
My husband suggests painting the other side of the rocks!!
Are you kidding me right now?? Brilliant! The equinox is that last day of our celebration. We officially won't need the rocks on the alter and they could be scooped up for an "egg hunt". I love how he takes my crazy thoughts, ideas, wants and needs, and creates solutions that are so life changing.

I LOVE how the kids painted their 'eggs'. 

This year we painted words and colored the backs like eggs as we went so that we had a new 'quality' to add to our alter each night. Then we used the other sides for our egg hunt. We scooped them up, hid them around the apartment outside and the kids searched for them in the morning. Now, we just store them away for next year! Next year, we'll add a few words, as I'm sure there will be qualities that we continue to plant year after year as we grow.

What did you do to celebrate the Equinox this year? What ritual have you loved? What ritual are you just starting? Let us know in the comments.

ING
!jen